Twas the Extraction before Christmas
by slash mania
Summary: The Point Elf and Santa Eames have a serious job at hand- Extract the Christmas list from their client's young daughter. In which Cobb can't be Santa, Eames lets a 'darling' slip, and Arthur just wants to be a BAMF again. (Rated for language)


A.N- Oh my, I promised to have fics completed over the weekend and then caught a cold. I couldn't even get out of bed for long enough periods to write this idea over again. I'm drinking my tea and having soup. Wearing my bathrobe and the beanie my niece made me for Christmas. I am hoping to get at least this idea finished and posted before midnight. I apologize in advance for any errors that escaped my notice!

Disclaimer: I have never owned Inception. Ever. I also don't own the _characters_ of Inception. But, as a _fan_ I am free to write _fiction_. It is amazing how that concept works!

`Twas the Extraction before Christmas

Dom had accepted the job without speaking to Arthur. If Arthur had known he would have dragged the Extractor away from the client that obviously wished to one-up every other father during the Christmas season. If Arthur were there he would have been able to verbally smack Dom's squint of outrage off of his face and inform him of all the various ways the job would be unethical.

The job that Arthur only learned of when he was taking the first pleasant sip of coffee involved working an Extraction on a little girl who was the same age as Phillipa.

"All right everyone, we have a job that fits the holiday season- we will Extract the Christmas list from the daughter of our latest client!"

Arthur spat out his coffee after he heard the announcement, drawing surprised looks from everyone and a slightly peeved one from Dom.

The Extractor's blue eyes were fixed upon Arthur who rubbed a napkin across his mouth and tried to compose himself a little. He hated that Eames was staring at him with a look of concern and humor combined.

"You can't honestly be thinking of doing this Dom. It isn't right!"

Dom raised an eyebrow. "Really? Arthur, her father just wants to give her the best Christmas. He explained that his seven-year old had learned to completely stonewall him during the holidays. If she doesn't want to _tell _him what she wants for Christmas we can easily steal the information for him! He's happy and she gets just what she wants on Christmas morning."

It was clear to Arthur that Dom felt that this idea was perfect. It was now up to Arthur in his role as Point Man and kill joy to punch some holes into that delightful little false dream. "And how in the hell are you going to pull it off, Dom? How are you going to get a little girl to tell you what she wants for Christmas if she won't even tell her _parents_?"

That was when Dom smiled and pulled a Santa's hat from behind his back and placed it atop his own head with a triumphant look in Arthur's direction. "Simple, Arthur. I'll go play the role of Santa and she will tell me what she wants to appear under the tree."

He was kind of shocked when his words were met with laughter from all in the room. His self-confidence drained away leaving him wide-eyed and twitching in his moment of mockery. "What are you all laughing at? I'm the best Extractor in the business! She would subconsciously connect my asking her what she wants for Christmas to the role of Santa Claus."

It was Eames that stopped laughing enough to answer Cobb's complaint. Wiping away his tears of mirth, the Forger shook his head at the blonde haired man with the frightful squint. "Look, I know that you are the best at getting the information you want from criminals and CEOs but this is a little girl. I don't think that she'd react very well to you throwing her on the ground and threatening her with a gun, shouting 'Tell me what you want for Christmas! Tell me what you want for Christmas right now!'"

After a moment spent thinking about it, Dom agreed. Before he could even begin to ask who else could be Santa, Eames took a step forward and yanked the Santa hat off of Dom's head. The Forger placed it atop his head and nodded to himself.

"To think, you have a Forger and you don't even bother to ask him to play Father Christmas!"

Arthur frowned. He felt better that Santa would be played by someone other than Cobb, but Eames wouldn't have been his second choice. The Point Man couldn't pretend he was an authority on St. Nick since that wasn't what he grew up with- he was raised Jewish. But he hadn't felt any sore feelings about a lack of Santa Claus because while other kids had Santa, Arthur had grown up with stories of Uncle Sam, the Hanukkah man. It made Arthur remember what his mother would say about Uncle Sam during the eight nights of Hanukkah as she tucked him into bed.

_During Hanukkah you could hear him flying on his spinning __dreidel…_

Arthur was so caught up in the memory he didn't realize that Eames had come so close to him and was speaking.

"Santa's little helper looks very pleased," Eames said with a grin.

The Point Man was confused briefly before he understood the reference. Alarmed, Arthur raised both hands as if to ward Eames and his comments away.

"Not now, or ever, will I be your damned _elf__."_

Eames pouted at Arthur and tried to beg.

"Darling! If you hadn't been off in la-la land you would have heard how Cobb needs to have another holiday figure present in the dream. That the father reported how his little girl has this penchant for drawing her holiday pictures with one Santa and one elf! It's something that is already going to be present in her subconscious due to her repetition of the same drawings and the holiday season itself. I promise you, love. Like Cobb said- she will be projecting the roles so all we have to do is wear them like an old coat!"

Arthur grumbled to himself. "At least you will actually have a coat and reasonable clothing! I'm going to be forced into tights!"

Dom had made himself scarce. Ariadne was trying to hide her giggling as she began to gather her supplies to build the necessary models. Yusuf was making it a point to arrange and rearrange his vials and beakers.

Eames noticed Arthur's distress and tried to be comforting. He placed a hand on Arthur's shoulder and squeezed, trying to be reassuring. "I doubt that you'll be forced into tights, darling."

Despite Eames's reassurances, Arthur was forced to wear tights anyway.

* * *

When they woke up on the roof of their mark's house, snow gently falling around them, a moment was spent stating the obvious.

"Arthur you just look so adorable!"

"I will kill you all. It will be a holiday themed massacre. I will not rest until each of you has paid the price for mocking the best Point Man!"

Eames, who was already Forging the role of good St. Nicholas, patted Arthur on the shoulder with one black mitten. "I know that you're the best, love. Its just, you have pointy ears and glitter on your cheeks."

Arthur's eyes narrowed at the word "glitter".

What had been done to him was a crime. Arthur was the best Point Man. The very best! He was intimidating in that quiet and calm sort of way. His anger wasn't a fiery sort of heat but something so icy that it still made the person dumb enough to cross Arthur _burn__._ Arthur could be described in many ways, all the terms that could fall neatly into the BAMF thesaurus if one existed. And it should be noted that this BAMF thesaurus would have Arthur's picture on the cover.

The Point Man wasn't sure how he was still going to pull off being a bad ass while wearing glitter and dressed in tights, but he'd try his best. The thought about his unsuitable clothing made him really focus on what Ariadne, as the dreamer for this level and only other witness to his plight, had visualized a Christmas elf to wear.

Arthur was stuck in a cute forest green tunic, red tights that did nothing to protect him from the cold, green slippers that curled upwards at the toe and that were adorned with silver bells, as well as a jaunty hat. Touching his hair for a moment he realized that it wasn't styled- his hair was ungelled and loose, the locks curling slightly and giving him a youthful appearance.

He knew that he looked kind of cute in an "I'm a stupid elf and have bells on my shoes" sort of way. Arthur couldn't hide or help the blush from when Eames proclaimed him to be adorable. Taking a deep breath, Arthur glanced at Eames.

"Let's just get this done quickly."

When Ariadne looked hopefully from the sleigh, the idle reindeer, the chimney, and then the pair Eames and Arthur made, the Point Elf grew suspicious. As she looked from the chimney to Eames and Arthur once more, the question right on the tip of her tongue, Arthur cut her off.

"If you make us use the chimney to get into the house you designed, I will shoot you."

"But the dream will collapse!" Ariadne said in shock.

Arthur smiled wickedly. "And we would have to go under again. I hate this costume but I would gleefully screw this up to make you pay for this injustice!"

She was silent for a moment before telling them about the alternate route.

After finding their way off the roof, they used the back door.

* * *

The house was dark and quiet. Arthur remembered looking through the information provided by their client, the pictures of the house, and even the artwork that little Sandra was so focused on. Based on her artistic nature the environment should have at least some projections, but so far they hadn't run into anything unusual.

When they reached the large living room and stood next to the Christmas tree there was a moment of uncertainty. Eames was the first one to voice his concern as he sat down in a chair that was next to the Christmas tree.

"How is she supposed to run into Santa and have a chat about what she wants for Christmas?"

Ariadne frowned and thought about it, shooting a look in Arthur's direction.

"I doubt that it would be logical for either of you to appear in her room…we need something that will get her to come downstairs and catch you two."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "How could I not think of that myself! Make her aware of the fact that we are here to steal something- do you want to play Mr. Charles next and tell her that she's dreaming?"

Ariadne's cheeks turned red in embarrassment. "Can you suggest something better? I think that it's great that we don't have to try and break into safe to get the information."

As the Point Elf was about to give her a scathing reply he noticed movement on the stairs and grabbed Ariadne, quickly shoving her behind him to hide her presence. With a little more work, the young Architect had managed to hide herself completely behind the Christmas tree.

It was good timing considering that just a few moments later their little mark was already on the stairs and peeking at them with widened eyes. The seven-year old little girl with short dark hair and curious eyes didn't waste any time. She practically flew down the stairs to stand in front of Arthur and the seated Eames.

Peeking out of the corner of his eye, Arthur could see that true to Eames's skill, he had maintained the Forgery of Santa Claus perfectly. He was the white bearded, jolly, red and white clothed giver of gifts that children loved. To his mortification, little Sandra approached him looking even more pleased than when she caught sight of Santa.

"A real Christmas elf!" she said in excitement, edging closer. Not sure what to do, Arthur made a quick decision and offered her a candy cane.

"Merry Christmas, Sandra."

She took the candy cane with a smile and looked from Arthur the Elf to Santa Eames. "Wow, you both came! And my sister said you weren't real!"

It took a moment, but the little girl had gone over to where Eames sat in the large armchair next to the tree and hopped up on Eames's knee.

Aware that time was passing quickly, Eames nodded to the little girl they were to Extract information from.

"It's not that we aren't real Sandra. It's just that your sister doesn't believe in us anymore. But, we're here tonight for something very important. I checked and checked my list but couldn't find what you wanted for Christmas!"

Sandra frowned at him. "Didn't you get my letter? Mommy said that she mailed it in for me!"

Eames nodded sadly. "I'm afraid there was a problem. There was a mistake at the Post Office so I decided to come before Christmas and ask you myself!"

Sandra looked at Arthur, almost like she wanted confirmation. Arthur solemnly raised one hand to swear by.

"I looked through all the letters and double checked Santa's lists. We didn't get the letter and wanted to make sure that you weren't left out."

Arthur looked over at Eames for a moment and noticed that he was smiling- not that he could really tell through the Forger's white beard, but it was more so how the man's eyes looked. It was always the same, no matter what sort of smile Eames sent his way, the Forger's eyes always seemed so much warmer and almost affectionate when coupled with that expression.

It always made Arthur's heart flutter just a bit, though he wasn't going to admit that to anyone.

"Thank you, darling." Eames said, nodding in Arthur's direction. He was unaware of Sandra's look of confusion.

"Santa, why'd you call the elf 'darling'?"

Arthur's eyes widened at the question. How in the hell was Eames going to deflect that one?

"Ah…well, you see Sandra." Eames said to the little girl perched on his knee. "I call him that because his name _is_ Darling!"

Eames looked up at the frowning Point Elf. Eames's eyes begged and pleaded with Arthur to comply, to play along, and to _stop frowning so horribly_!

Arthur swallowed hard and proceeded to take one for the team. He forced a cheery smile on his face and nodded to the little girl. "Yes, my name is Darling!" Arthur confirmed for her, lying through his teeth, wishing he was dead.

But not as much as he wished he could do Dominic Cobb serious harm with a sharpened candy cane. This was _not_ happening!

Sandra appeared to be distracted from the original idea of telling Santa what she wanted for Christmas and now wanted to know all about the names of elves if _Darling's_ was anything to use as an example.

Trying to make his grimace into a passable grin, Arthur began to imaginatively lie.

"Well, you see Sandra all of my siblings are named for endearments. My parents love endearments. They thought up a different name for each of us. My oldest sister Honey wraps presents. And my little brother Sweetheart feeds the reindeer. Sugar bakes the best Christmas cookies and Dear plays the music for all of our Christmas songs."

Sandra was about to ask another question when Eames tapped her on the shoulder.

"Sandra I don't mean to interrupt, but could you tell me what presents you would like? Christmas Day is _tomorrow_ and I need to work fast!"

Not questioning the logic of it, only trusting the Santa could do anything because he was magic, Sandra began to tell him about what she wanted in careful detail. Arthur began to write it all down, memorizing them as he did. He caught Eames's eye and was surprised when the Forger winked at him.

Arthur began to smile before he could stop himself. He blamed all the happy Christmas feelings and the fact that little Sandra was giving Eames a hug and thanking him for making the extra trip from the North Pole just to ask what she wanted.

To add to the general happy holiday feelings, Sandra had to give Arthur hug too.

Just as Arthur knelt to give the girl her hug the timer on the PASIV ran out.

* * *

He fluttered his eyes open and awoke back in reality feeling the safety and reassurance his suit offered. Arthur smiled and forced himself into a sitting position. Though he was more than certain he was awake, he took out his totem and checked.

"You could have just as easily checked to see that your ears weren't pointed, darling."

Arthur huffed to himself. "I'd rather be certain beyond a shadow of a doubt."

He reached for a notepad and carefully wrote down everything he remembered about Sandra's gift list.

Ariadne was still lying down on her lawn chair with a peeved expression as she held a tissue against her nose. "It's like I inhaled a pine scented car air freshener!" She sneezed once before she looked over at Arthur. "Still worth it considering I got to see Arthur as an elf! Nice save with the endearment, Eames."

Eames grinned and shook his head. "I may have made the mistake but it was Arthur that saved the day."

Sandra was still asleep on her lawn chair and Dom had taken the trouble of covering the little girl with a blanket. Arthur had finished the list and passed it to Eames, not trying to think about how long their fingers brushed for such a simple action.

"I know that this wasn't fun for you, darling. But I appreciate your effort."

Arthur shrugged and took his hand away from Eames's. There came the sound of footsteps as Yusuf and Sandra's father entered the warehouse.

Eames delivered the note and Dom stepped out-of-the-way so the man could pick up his still sleeping daughter. "Will she be alright?" the man asked in worry.

Arthur bit his tongue to avoid saying something like "you should have thought of that before you decided to have her put under by dream workers to get such simple information."

"She will be fine, sir." Yusuf assured him.

The father looked relieved and pleased now that he had his daughter and his answer. "Your payment will come along with a holiday bonus for doing it on such short notice. Merry Christmas!"

The man left and the dream team relaxed. Though the job wasn't that difficult, it wasn't usual to do their work with such a small mark in mind.

Arthur hadn't gotten to his feet yet and soon found that Eames was sitting next to him, bleeding warmth but staying quiet. It was clear that he wanted to say something, but wished to use the right words. This made Arthur smile.

"How did you like being Santa Claus, Mr. Eames?"

"It was interesting and really sort of odd. I've never Forged Father Christmas before. How about you? Was being an elf that horrific?"

Arthur shook his head. "Never again. I'm not cut out to be an elf. I'm surprised that Sandra didn't call me out on being such a crummy Santa's helper." Arthur frowned.

"Darling," Eames said seriously, "you did a wonderful job. I think that you should be treated to something nice for the holiday." Eames licked his lips and smiled at Arthur. "Would you like to go out for a drink with me?"

There was something about the offer that didn't sound like a flirtatious joke. Eames didn't add anything about "unwrapping his package" or any other ribald comment. It was just an offer to go out for a drink.

Arthur was interested. Alright, Arthur was more than interested. The holidays were lonely and he had just been forced to play elf to Eames's Santa Claus. A drink was in order, and if anything else came of it, then that was just icing on the cake.

"Sure," Arthur said, forcing himself to his feet. "Just let me speak to Dom for a second?"

The Forger nodded, already smiling happily since his offer hadn't been ignored.

Arthur moved quickly to Dom's side and hissed in his ear, "If you ever accept another job where I am forced to be sparkly and pointy eared, I will do you serious harm with a sharpened candy cane!"

The Extractor's eyes widened at the threat, but he nodded very briefly and accepted Arthur's terms.

"Great," the Point Man said. He patted Dom on the shoulder and smiled when the man flinched ever so slightly. "Happy holidays, everyone. Are you coming, Eames?"

The Forger smirked and nodded, already wearing his coat and holding out Arthur's.

"Of course, darling!"

The End

A.N: Ah, this didn't come out how I wanted it to! I'm still sick and tired but I gave myself a deadline! Go me! I really did intend for my Christmas stories to be finished before January, but it's better than not finishing them at all!

Read, review, and tell me what you think,

slash mania


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